Meant to Be by Lisa Faulkner

Author:Lisa Faulkner
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473567436
Publisher: Ebury Publishing

The next person I spoke to about the subject was my ever-supportive sister. What did she really think about my new notion, having had two babies of her own? Could I love a child that wasn’t physically mine and not related to us in any way? As ever, she gave me great advice and reminded me of the Khalil Gibran quote, that children don’t belong to us but are ‘sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself’.

It really resonated with me. This ownership we seem to want to have over our children isn’t a healthy impulse. If a child is not our blood, does that make them unworthy of our love? It suddenly hit me: I had to let go of that ownership, of that need to possess another human being made in my own image, of that desire to produce something that was mine, which I had been ‘clever’ enough to make. I had to grieve the fact that I would never grow a baby and put it behind me. That process was definitely well under way. In fact I was now at the point where I knew I could definitely love a baby if I hadn’t made it myself. A brand-new, shiny, clean, untouched, unharmed baby …

I started looking at adoptive mothers in the public eye. Of course, the first names that sprang to mind were Angelina Jolie and Madonna, two women I had great respect for – but could I really identify with them? They had nannies and chefs and money; they could fly their children all over the world with them. They lived a life that was so far removed from mine, I couldn’t identify in any way with their path to motherhood. I’m sure if one of them decided to write a book about their experiences as an adoptive mother, I would definitely read a few things that resonated with me, but neither of them had. All I saw of their lives were carefully constructed paparazzi shots of happy, smiley rainbow families. Ever-growing broods of children with no anxiety whatsoever. I know that isn’t the reality, but when that’s all you’re shown, how are you meant to know any different?

Any other examples of people adopting instantly made me think of very worthy ‘churchy’ people, who were selfless and loving and without obvious flaws. They did it just for the children, yet I was quite honest that my driving force was that I wanted to be a mother. I know these are raging stereotypes but honestly, to me at the time, that was all there was. I wasn’t looking at adoption to be worthy; I just wanted to be a mum. Pure and simple.

Chris’s words were constantly ringing in my ears and I was slowly getting my head around it. I had demonstrated almost daily with my sister’s family how very much I loved my nieces. I had been a sponge, watching and learning from my sister how to parent.

One of the great ironies is that,

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